Michigan Policy Circle
June 15, 2004

A Gamey State

Gambling disgorges an ugly side of public policy making: chasing campaign bucks and government favors.

Existing purveyors of chance adhere to a last-one-in, close-the-doors protectionism (NIMBY: Not in My Betting Yard). Bemoaning the jeopardy to our betting industries of expanded gambling options, they rent services of lobbyists (including the last lieutenant governor), public relations firms, and ad agencies. The NIMBYs spread around freely their easily earned money. The wannabees aren’t pikers either.

Like craps, lobbying is legal. So are political contributions.

It galls, but state government’s own greed knows no bounds. If you didn’t see a seductive ad for the Michigan Lotto last night, you weren’t watching TV. Your neighborhood bartender thrusts at you the state’s Keno cards. “But half the money’s going to little kids in school,” defenders argue. The Saginaw Chippewa Tribe, defending its franchise, airs radio spots warning that expanding gambling at racetracks would siphon off the State Lottery’s support of public schools.

Michigan is becoming the gamey state. Let’s not go halfway.

• How about Slots for Tots? Install slot machines in yellow school buses. Let the tykes toss away lunch money on a chance of winning a $50 Abercrombie and Fitch gift certificate. Slots will give kids something to keep them awake on their journeys to and from school. It’s a real educational opportunity, too. Don’t we as adults have a duty to nurture in wee ones a keener knowledge of one of the state’s larger industries and prepare them for the real world they’ll enter someday? If we can’t teach them to read or write, at least they’ll graduate knowing odds. Casinos, racinos, bambinos.
• Agriculture has fallen on hard times, what with productivity gains and the Atkins and South Beach diets. Why not boost the sector by state-sanctioned cock, crow, and cow fighting? (Maybe fairness cries out for keeping the fights within one animal grouping, but best not to mistake fairness for the pure entertainment value of gambling.) Animals as gladiators, thrilling the coliseum’s betting crowd. Hear the plaintive cries of the mourning doves in the ring.
• Waive that Tax. Allow taxpayers to ante up $200 on their tax return for a chance to waive their entire state income tax liability. Three point nine percent (our income tax rate) of entrants will “waive that tax.” Unlike other games of chance, whose betters tend to be lower income, this inventive scheme sucks in the fat cats. And there are hardly any overhead costs. If it takes off, we easily can let Single Business Tax-paying companies in on the action.
• Rest Area Roulette. Under this imaginative program, motorists stopping at rest areas will find something other than rest to warrant their detour. Vendors will bid on rights to set up roulette games. Families needing a stretch break will be able to feed the squirrels and possibly their pocketbooks at the same time.
• Who’s the Next Speaker? Nicely timed to the era of term limits and a steady rotation of legislators, the State Lottery books bets—with odds changing hourly—on who will serve as the Michigan House’s next speaker. Those who cannot afford to buy access to the next leader at least get some playtime.

William Safire wrote years ago that, among all things, government should not sanction the principle of “something for nothing.” Phooey! What state in its right mind would bet its future on industry and talent rather than luck?

View other Michigan Policy Circle documents